Run, Kenni, Run
So I ran a race…a 10k to be exact.
That’s 6.2 miles to make it easy.
No, I do not think I am in my “runner era,” but I do think that race helped shift something inside me. So let’s talk about it.
Get you a friend that already wants to run. It helps that mine (shoutout to you Emily!) is a very seasoned running that was looking to get back to it. She asked me run it with her because she knew I would keep my commitment. LOL little did she know I have a hard time with follow-through. BUT that thought really made me think I HAVE to show up for her and therefore I have to show up for myself.
Training was rough. I am not even going to hold you. As someone that really viewed running as aversive, I knew it would be an uphill battle but not like this. The first mile was the hardest. Getting past that first mile felt like it was taking me forever. The funny thing was the more I ran, the more I actually talked about the end goal and ended up hyping myself up into truly thinking I could do it. I remember when I hit three miles and how I felt. I was actually smiling on the treadmill because I remember how discouraged I was not being able to even run a mile without walking. (Also walking during a run does not make you less of a runner. You’re doing the hard thing that people hate anyways.) Yet, here I was at the half way point.
Then I got sick. It hurt to breathe type of sick. So for about a week and a half no running. Then I got shin splints. I hobbled through two miles and was out for another week. However, I did learn a valuable lesson - buy the running shoes. It WILL make a difference. And boy did it! My mile was getting faster and I felt like I could run further without pain. However, at this point the furthest I had run was four miles and I had a race in a week. But by runner math, technically I could finish the race.
Race got rained out (LOL maybe the Lord was looking out for me). However, now I had a makeup run. I was still nervous about could I actually finish this “race.” I was fortunate to run it with Emily, a good cheerleader and motivator. I didn’t really start to feel out of gas until mile five. And by that point, I figured out a walk/run system and my playlist switched to Meg thee Stallion and Waka Flocka so I knew I would finish. The final piece was a hill, and when I came down it, I just felt different. Amazed. Happy. Proud.
My biggest takeaway is it is okay to bet on yourself. I often find myself doubting what I am capable of, questioning if I actually do have this. Let me tell you, I do. I also found it helps to share your goal with people that you KNOW will support you. Even if you don’t get to the finish line (that time), they will still cheer you on for trying. They will be the wind under your wings.
The shift was me beginning to actually believe I can do the hard thing. The new thing. The different thing. I constantly would start things, and not finish. Wasted projects and wasted time.
That brings me to this blog. I have been lacking. Not sure why but I think a big part has to do with the thought of how vulnerable do I want to be and what if I will be judged? Which is funny because people tend to love the vulnerability I bring when I write. I think it is time that I stop doubting and just do. Betting on myself has always never left me stagnant and has always allowed me to grow. And that is all that matters.
